Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Learn to live through a night...

Loneliness is a Bliss

For past 8 years I have been away from home. Lived almost the entire period alone in a rented flat , I say almost because there were few months were I have my friends sharing flat with me.

In these years I have experienced this solitude in every way, being physically alone sometimes and sometimes living under one roof with room partners. Its puzzling for some of my friends that how can I live alone in a big flat and always I say to them its ADDICTIVE.

Its challenging and depends on your willingness to adopt the loneliness as emptiness adopts you. The things that happen to you is a window to your inner self. Its a blessing if you want to discover yourself. Pains, grief and mirth all comes to you in a different flavor and taste even sweeter than it tastes when there is some one who can share these things with you at the time they happen to you.

Don't get surprise when I say it taste sweeter, the bitter part of it is that these things happens to you when you are all on to yourself and the brighter part of it is that you are all alone to handle it the way you want. Am I confusing you... Ha ha ha ... It will dawn on you when you have to wipe your tears( when you cry in your room and no one is there to give you a shoulder), boost your self out of your gloom, make your heart understand about the things people say you(some times hurtful/some times sweet ) or the way world behaves with you...etc etc...

Its a definite subject for an "Ode to loneliness", which is due for long and you may find it posted one day on this blog.... I actually began to write one and then there I heard the symphony produced by the hollow spheres of emptiness in stray and the melody was vivifying and I started humming it ......

( I wrote this song on July 28, 2005, when I was in a state of melancholy, my feelings where shattered and the heart was numb and dumb, I look for it and there was no movement in my chest, the breath coming and going only to gasp some air from the dead heart..... Time passed without notice from dawn to noon, from noon to evening and then dark. I some how muster courage atleast to kiss the night and these words are those efforts of my kissing the night... Here it goes.. )

There is a dawn,
after every night,
however painful it is ,
however long it is ,
its only a night,
learn to live, through a night

its only a night....

one are the, hollow spheres of emptiness in stray,
other's are your ashes, to fill in your ash tray,
else no one is there to answer your pray,
embrace yourself and shelter that trembling flame of light

its only a night... learn to live, through a night

tear your heart and show,
and you think world will understand ?
its your love and passion ,
for you to understand,
your death is not a surprise,
if you live then it might

its only a night... learn to live through a night

Sunday, July 31, 2005

A Birthday Present to Self...

I always try to gift myself a poem on my birthday. today here is my birthday gift for self.

When i look in past , present and future following words ran through the spin of my pen....
The english translation is in parenthesis.


kisi gHam ki mujhko talash hai ,
mera dil aaj phir nashad hai

(Again I search for greif and pain to rejoice myself,
as today again I am sad)

na dard mai wo dard raha,
na tadap mai wo tadap rahi ,
mai utha sakon na wo taab hai,
mere samne meri lash hai

(now pains are not painfull as earlier,
nor the fidgety are too restless,
even I can't muster up strength,
to pick up my own corpse)

kisi gHam ki .....

mere daag yeah nuzoom hai ,
mere jakham yeah chirag hai,
meri jindagi yeah raat hai,
yeah andhere meri shaad hai

(Stars that you see are my glowing scars (anything that has left mark on the feelings & heart)
the burning lights are my burning boils,
my life is like a night and so mirth to me are the darks )

kisi gHam ki.......

Ek gAam mai na chal paunga,
jo gira tu phir na uth paonga ,
jo pelai sharaab na pee paonga,
jo na pee sharaab tu marjaonga

(As if I am unable to walk even one step,
and if I fell I won't be able to stand on my foot again,
the life is like a wine, if you serve me am unable to drink nor I can live with out it)

kisi gHam ki.......

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

My Poem For Genie

To begin with here goes one of my poems for Genie....

There I was, holding my hands,
passing by this world,
under the sun, looking for the light,
in the darks, looking for the night,
moving for the roads, turning for the turns,
losing myself only to be earn.

nursing a pain, deep in my heart,
ending a search only to start
now that I have you ,
still I wait for you ......

The world is on the move around,
life breaths in the colors surround,
pains n smiles are both together,
everything is right in order,
the sky above and the earth below,
what is there which does not glow,
the sun above or the eyes below,

here I am and there are you ,
now that I have you ,
still I wait for you......

now that I have you ,
still I wait for you.......

The Genie Corner....

Foreword

Wait Wait Wait.... I am just telling you that and answering all your questions like who is Genie? Am I hiding any name ? where she lives ? for how long.... etc etc etc....

Oh!!!! come on now listen to me will you ? OK.....(I take a deep breath) .......

As we all know there is a Genie, a Master and off course a Bottle. Master rubs the bottle and some dense fumes comes out from it and gets concentrated in air, in front of Master and slowly this concentrated fumes or whatever you call it begins to take a shape of a female and there it is ...........

This is your Genie Master, I will fulfill all your wishes (Yes I know you have heard of Genie fulfilling 3 wishes..... but this Genie can fuilfill all your wishes...) you can ask me anything you wish......

In short Genie is some one which is your Wish and the fulfillment of your Wish....This Column is dedicated to Genie ummm.... My Genie .... Your Genie.

Let me explain.... Let me help you recall these lines from song "Love will Keep us alive" By Eagles,

.... Now that I have found you , there is no more emptyness inside..........

Whether you are He/She in your life at least for once you must have searched your heart and soul looking for someone who can be your dream girl/boy...the person who can best complement you ..... your SOULMATE... and there a journey starts for each one us to find him/her in just flesh and bones.

This is my Genie and this is yours Genie, no matter you are married, engaged or single; if your search is not over...that emptyness inside you is still empty... in other words if you have not found your Genie then this column is for you.

Off course its my blog I will be posting stuffs about my Genie, just in case if these stuff matches your feelings then don't mind in hanging on there..... You can also post things about your Genie via "comments" link.

The stuff would be like
  1. My talks with Genie(We all talk in our imagination to our Genie don't we? atleast I do )
  2. My Poems for Genie(though I am not a poet)
  3. My Genie Moments(those moments in which you wish that Genie should be with you... those very missssssinnnnnggggg moments)

I start with Genie's own words......(if this sounds you an abnormal start, I have already clarified it in above paragraphs otherwise I leave it up to your imagination and intution )

HELLO MASTER... this is your Genie speaking. This is a recording. I am going back into my bottle. If you wish me just leave your address and contact number I will contact you ... possibly after 100 years.....

Aarz kiya hai....


I begin this blog thing with one of my couplets first in urdu (Read at your own risk..... ha ha ha )

parda-a-huzoor utHa nahi hanooZ,
dekh rahi hai aankhen aAb-a-beNaayi

(parda : veil ; huzoor: in front of/samane ; hanooZ : abhi tak/Yet ; aAb: fault/nUskH ; beNaayi: ability to see/ankhon ki roshni)

Whatever we see is limited to the faculty of vision. I call this limitation as the fault of our ability to see or the
power of vision. Hence whatever we see with the eyes its always this fault that is visible and not what is beyond, which I crave for........